posted on January 20, 2005 @ 4:21 pm
i really hate parts of my job, mostly my upper-most bosses. bobby and jeri. they just make me ill. they want us to bring a list of expectations we have for this job to our next meeting tuesday. this is not my career; my only expectation is that i get paid on the first of every month. anthony said they think since i took the day position i'm making this my career. if they think that, they're idiots. there's no other way around it. do they honestly think i'm going to sit in this hell hole rotting for the next 40 years? the only thing that would keep me alive is the hope for people to replace them. they may have already screwed up their lives and landed a job managing parking garages, but i still have time.
for what i do i make a lot, and i'm sure they make a lot regardless. but jesus, a parking garage? there are better things in the world. i mean, it's great not only working for the state but at a state school, getting random ass paid holidays for no reason, or cause perry just decides he wants to go home for the day. and i get some miscellaneous discounts and free stuff for working at UT. this environment, though, is full of phonies. that's all there is to it. i realize the majority of people don't like their bosses, and the majority of bosses probably lie all the time, pretend to be nice, and then laugh about you behind your back, but i don't want to actually see it. i don't want to be forced to listen to the continuous excrement spewing from jeri's mouth, assuming it's false. i'm tired of seeing people suck up to their superiors and then cut them down as soon as they're gone.
the longer i'm here, my motivation for going to school is increasing. i guess all this nonsense will pay off eventually by getting my ass back in gear. i want to get a degree in something dorky like english and linguistics, like before. i want to be in a place where my coworkers get together and excitedly talk about the significance of a new speech pathology study, double plurals and spelling in middle english, or ask about the new stephen pinker book. when i mention "bananas and bonobos," i want at least one other person to know what i'm talking about.
i don't know how i could ever ever get money to go, though. i don't know if the fafsa would give me anything since i failed, or if there's a period where they just forget about it. not to mention the $17k i owe at the moment ($10k went to the dorms). all that money and absolutely nothing to show for it.
katie told me yesterday there's a difference between being lazy and having no ambition, and that i wasn't lazy. owen agreed. now i've got to find some ambition. and several thousand dollars.