posted on October 30, 2002 @ 1:52 am
i need a friend who's an insomniac. when i'm awake in the middle of the night and crying and don't really know what to do, i need to go to their house. you know, sometimes when i try to hate myself, i think of the times when i've cried and fought with myself and ultimately cut myself because i didn't want to wake any of my friends up and have them burdened with my problems. i think that's a nice thing to do, so i end up not hating myself. but then they get mad because i don't wake them up, when any other time they'd get mad when i do! if you're an insomniac and you live in austin, you need to tell me because i need a friend. i want to sit all through the night and talk to someone for hours and hours, and laugh and cry and go to bed feeling content for once because i know everything about them and they know everything about me. but no one wants to know me or let me know them. so i'm about to go drive and listen to the counting crows and smoke a lot of cigarettes. i remember in the sixth grade when "round here" came out, i fell in love with the song and adam duritz because i could sing and sound just like him. when i listen to that song, i see me sitting in my grandparents' living room watching it on mtv. but no one nowadays seems to care about little things like that. so i'm going to go destroy my lungs and try to avert self-mutilation.
jonathan wrote that he hasn't been wanting to talk to me because i've been cutting myself, and everything he said went in one ear and out the other. whatever that means. wow, kudos to him because he discovered the perfect way to make someone stop abusing themself. oh wait, nevermind, that's the most fucking idiotic thing i've ever heard. i want to punch him in the face so hard.