posted on May 12, 2002 @ 6:20 am
"i won't ever be happy again," bright eyes
god, i just don't know about jonathan. he just left, "night pyx" and signed off. i hate it when people do that. he said that on thursday it can just be he and i. all day. that we can go eat and hang out til midnite, and then we'll go see star wars. he said, "it's a date. :oP" i've never been on a date. he said when i told him not to tell me something was wrong if he wasn't going to talk about it, that at that moment he was trying so hard because he wanted to so badly, but he just couldn't; and when i said that it "struck" him. i just think that when i'm there it'll get better. well, hope. he said i should get an ace bandage for my arm, that that's what he used to do. please don't yell at him, bryan. i know you would just because you care, and you don't understand how great that makes me feel. that someone cares. like when chia-lun IMed dumbhead and said, "you are such a fuck," and when michael said he'd beat him up with his kendo stick. thank you for laying your head in my lap and petting me all night; i needed that. and i would actually go so far as to say that i like stephanie. ;P i love how when some guy yelled "fuck you" at the three of us�bryan, steph, and me�bryan and i screamed back simultaneously, "fuck you, too!" great minds think alike. ;)
well morning came and it dressed the sky in a lovely yellow gown. and an apple fell and it taught us all we are chained here to the ground. so, i mean, here we go, but there ain't no escape. these streets are just dead ends. so i won't ever be happy again. now it seems that you too see painful blue when you stare into the sky. you could never understand the movement of a hand waving goodbye. but as the story goes, or it is often told, a new day will arise and all the dance halls will be full of skeletons that are coming back to life. and on a grassy hill the lion will lay down with the lamb and i won't ever be lonely again. but until that time i think i had better find some disbelief to suspend, because i don't want to feel like this again.