posted on Friday, Jun. 03, 2005 @ 07:40
i just had an interesting revelation. i used to have panic attacks at least once a day in high school. that's why i have so many of those lovely scars on my wrists. i provide testimony that panic attacks are the worst feeling ever, and that i never want to experience that again.
it's just so horrible. all this chaos builds up inside, and you completely lose control of everything. your thoughts, feelings, actions, words. nothing is coherent from the outside, but inside you have it all figured out. everything's gone wrong, and it's either all your fault, or all those people who are out to get you.
so it's been a couple years since i've had one. within the past several months, however, i've developed a heavy problem with my rage. i've never had a good grip on myself when i get angry, but it feels like i've lost control recently. it feels like my panic attacks have transferred into rage attacks.
i don't know the medical soundness of this, but that's the only way i can describe it. i'll be insanely pissed off, cursing, crying if i'm mad enough. then, 10-15 minutes later, it's gone. i've completely forgotten about it, or i joke about it.
i called in sick today because i've lost my mind temporarily. that's the only reason i have for this unexplainable crying. i guess it's stress.