posted on May 30, 2004 @ 4:06 am
tonight i drove around aimlessly for an hour, despite the fact i had to pay $1.93 for gas.
jennifer tried talking to me today, but i ignored her knock and her phone call. finally, through the bathroom door, she asked, "can i talk to you?"
":sharply: why?"
"i just wanted to let you know people are showing up for my party."
"no shit, you have the loudest people on earth. i'm about to leave anyway."
at this point she sort of mumbled "ok" and some other such things, sounding rather upset.
on my way to the car the girl next door was bringing up alcohol with a gay guy and some other chick, and as we rounded corners to face each other she screamed for whatever reason she's always screaming. i gave her an evil-oozing look, she apologized, and she said something to identify me to the gay guy. then he said, "she's the girl who told us to shut the fuck up. how impolite."
i had to fight everything inside of me not to shout, "fuck off, fag." i really don't like that word, and loving gay men as i do, i kept it inside. when i got into my car and started it, i sat packing cigarettes and suddenly started crying. my hands shook so badly i nearly dropped the phone as i raised the volume, expecting cole's call. all i could hear was doug asking, "what the hell do you do to make everyone hate you?"
i sat in front of cole's apartment after my drive, waiting nearly an hour for him to come home. i was offered a free phone call from neighbors because he perceived i was locked out. we smoked, and i'm quite stoned right now. my typing abilities remain intact, however.
the subject's from cole just now, by the way. "i can't find a fitted sheet. i'm sad."
"are you a sad panda?"
"no, just sad. a physical manifestation of 'the sad.'"
<3, chels.
p.s. i saw a boy on tv who reminded me of owen. ;(
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