posted on September 04, 2003 @ 4:50 pm
so this morning around 5:30 i was reading the heart is a lonely hunter in bed, and of course i started thinking and getting weird. i started listing things i wanted (do note it's early and i'm sleepy):
-to owe capital one $0
-to owe fanny mae or whoever gave my parents their loan $0
-to owe the government $0
-white haven to be a suburb of austin ["he's got a dark side, too, even murderous. but i love that just like him. yes i am intense. maybe quite obsessed. everything he does is curious."]
-my family to live in austin
-to talk to my dad
-lay my head in mom's lap
-make mom rub my back only to have her go to my arms and pick at the bumps no matter how much i point out my arms are not part of my back
-rid myself of so many memories, including approximately 80% of longview
-hang out at the zoo and talk to my one-horned goat
-to erase at least the past year of college and start over
-kill the need to fight back tears every morning i lay me down to sleep
-to have gaga watching to ensure i say my bedtime prayer (now i lay me down to sleep...)
-gasp at the pictures of topless women in dish's room
-sit on the doghouse structure covering the well, feeling like i'm hundreds of feet in the air
-become a virgin again
-cut my weight (or at least my insecurities) in half
-collect pebbles that once were so beautiful and unique but now seem the same
-convince people there's a lot of weirdness in me, and all i need's a chance. or two. or three. or�
-denounce the evils of truth and love, extend my reach to the stars above. [:giggle:]
-to have people get every one of my random references: not now, i'm bejeweling.//excuse me. what are you babbling about?//what are you doing a week from today?/probably killing myself./excellent! what time does that finish?//:british accent: sorry.//:same accent: bouqueeet residence, lady of the house speaking!
-to live forever in books, darling (another reference)
-continue reading. 5:48 a.m.
Her face felt like it was scattered in pieces and she could not keep it straight. The feeling was a whole lot worse than being hungry for any dinner, yet it was like that. I want � I want � I want � was all that she could think about � but just what this real want was she did not know.
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