posted on March 05, 2003 @ 4:16 pm
"no lies, just love," bright eyes
sometimes i honestly wonder why more people don't like me. it seems like the people i do know like me considerably well, which i like a lot more than having a bunch of people barely knowing me.
but then she goes and does something like that, and i remember. as i get out my washcloth from high school, i realize why no one wants to have to deal with this.
so as anyone would do to a bad little girl, i try to punish her. shortly following my invasion and attack, i recall she shares my body.
it's a vicious cycle.
i called into work. i'm too tired and weak. to do anything. i was strong. i was. she's just so much stronger.
while i was talking with owen with my washcloth sealed to me, i really wished i had waited ten more minutes. i heard the moo, but i didn't react properly. as he asked about my class in "Applied Being Cute and Eliminating the Human Race" i felt a pinch of guilt. when i left to scrounge some breakfast and he said he loved me, i started crying. i didn't tell him. i hope he happens to not see this entry. "the things i do to people i love shouldn't be allowed."
"Do not be bleeding, damnit." i'm going to keep telling myself that's not for me.
kinda like a cloud i was up, way up in the sky, and i was feeling some feelings you wouldn't believe. sometimes i don't believe them myself, and i decided i was never coming down. just then a tiny little dot caught my eye. it was just about to small to see, but i watched it way too long, it was pulling me down. shut up! so what, what does it matter now? i was swimming in the haze, now i crawl on the ground. and everything i never liked about you is kinda seeping into me. try to laugh about it now but isn't it funny how everything works out. ("i guess the joke's on me," she said.) i used to be so big and strong. i used to know my right from wrong. i used to never be afraid. i used to be somebody. i used to have something inside, now just this whole that's open wide. i used to want it all. i used to be somebody. i'll cross my heart and hope to die, but the needle's already in my eye. and all the world's weight is on my back, and i don't even know why. what i used to think was me is just a fading memory. i looked him right in the eye and said goodbye. i was up above it. now i'm down in it.
prev - next