posted on January 05, 2003 @ 6:28 am
"be quiet and drive (acoustic)," deftones
"the box," orbital
this version of "be quiet and drive" is so beautiful. i love listening to it while sleeping. or rather, i love falling asleep and waking up to it. falling asleep's got to be one of the best feelings in the world. that moment right before you go, when you can't remember what you were just thinking about? and everything just seems so nice and dreamy even though you're awake. i can't feel myself touching my surroundings; it feels like i'm floating. it's like drugs or something.
i just walked through the apartment only wearing panties. if jennifer hadn't left yesterday with her family, i would have had to have worn a shirt also. that was kinda neat.
i don't know what's up with the randomness, but i really do think that religions are a crutch for the weak, to quote jesse ventura (heh). i don't know, i don't think it's as bad as that quote sounds, though. i mean, of course there are those who get carried away with it and impose themselves upon others, and those are the ones i hate. well, the christians i hate. but it's always the people, never the religion. christianity does sort of have this supremist attitude about it, but that just helps solidify the faith. that's why it didn't bother me last year when i got an easter card from the family, and my little sister drew jesus on a cross and wrote, "on easter jesus rose from the dead." i think everyone needs faith in something for solice. that's why i'll never seriously put down someone's religion; it's like burning their security blanket. you just can't tell someone one of the only things they believe in doesn't even exist. anyway, i think everyone knows a piece of the truth or we've fucked it all up royally. either way, no one knows, so i'm not going to go out of my way to tell someone they're wrong because no one has any fucking clue.
i saw bowling for columbine today with layla. it had the whole 9/11 thing in it, and even though i've got the paper from that day with the picture of the plane about to hit, i saw the people jumping out of the buildings (that was all that seriously affected me), it showed footage of the plane actually hitting. i hadn't seen that, and it just made it so real. none of that overly disturbed me because that's what we're doing overseas to their families and loved ones constantly; i don't know why it's suddenly tragic because it happened on u.s. soil.
it also showed security camera footage of the columbine thing. that actually put tears in my eyes because it just seemed so scary. the people i knew in high school, myself included, we were the ones who were watched after that. when i'd come to school completely black except for my face and hands, carrying my homemade marilyn lunchbox, people stared. we had a bomb threat once that said it was going to happen on a particular wednesday. forty per cent of the school didn't come that day, but of course i did; i saw an opportunity. i put on my shirt with the jesus fish on it, "manson" written inside, black jeans, black boots, dark lipstick, so much eyeliner, and walked deliberately with a cold, hard stare. i passed a group of football players who stopped in their tracks, stared at me, one of them exclaiming, "aw, shit!" and walked far around me. my chemistry teacher gave me an awkward glance. one of the "trenchcoat mafia" kids (all of them were thought to be part of it), he looked me up and down, looked me in the eyes for a long time, nodded ever so slightly. as we passed each other, we both turned and looked again at the same time. i wish i could have had a picture of our encounter. we both looked so sad. his eyes were as empty as mine were then. i could see inside of him such an acute abandonment. for once in my life i felt connected with someone to whom i had never and never did speak a word.
marilyn was, incidentally, interviewed in the movie. i wish people could understand what he says because it always makes exquisite sense. hmm, i used exquisite yesterday. how interesting.
i seriously do want to know why the u.s. is so violent. it gave statistics for how many people were killed using guns: germany, 300; france & england, 200; japan 100; australia & canada far below 100; u.s., 11,000. why? seriously. it's so terrible. i'll just move to toronto or something. when i drove through vancouver that one time, it seemed nice. so much traffic, but it was rush hour.
i watched that mtv thing about goth sex tonight again, but this time i noticed all the songs they played were by the cure, except for this absolutely fucking awesome song on my amp cd, "the box" by orbital. it sounds like music they'd play in a video game when you're fighting a boss or something. ohh i love this song. that show makes me want to be all scary again. maybe i'll pull out the fishnets tomorrow. layla was wearing some today; they were pretty.
i get to go to emo's monday night to see good in the sack. i'm so excited. i haven't been there since i saw the anniversary on november 4th. :( and it's only going to be $5. since i've got their cd, i can bounce around and sing with them. sean's really cute, but i'm sure he knows that. cat's going to go with me to see the used rather than layla. that was really nice considering he doesn't want to. haha.
on january the 30th, i'm going to see ok go and the donnas with layla, and since i'll have to get the day off, i can go to the austin art museum before for only $1. i haven't been, and i'm sure layla would want to as well. i looked up the children's museum, but it looked lame. the ones in new orleans and seattle are so bitching.
goodness this lengthy. i need to go to bed!
"the words she writes will change the world. inside she writes a side of herself she won't let me see. such a hateful little girl, her little book is her whole world. it's all there in her little book, and i can't help but wonder. but she says i'll never understand. she says there's no love, and everyone's out to get her."
<3, such a hateful little girl.
prev - next