posted on December 08, 2002 @ 12:33 pm
i'm reading through my old live journal, and it's so funny and interesting and...i don't know. i'm so glad i put so much little crap in these entries because i forget about all that. like this one time i was waiting to cross the street in front of the co-op, and something was just wrong. a guy was skateboarding toward me, so i stared. he stared back. when he got to me, he said, "smile, please?" i hate when people do that because it makes me smile.
then that time i saw the old nasty guy masturbating in the metro when i was the only other person up there with him.
upon picking layla up: "at the airport there were all these dudes with giant guns and stuff. jennifer was like, 'do you think they'd get mad if i took a picture of them?' i told her not to, just to be safe. i really didn't feel like getting shot tonight." that's when i took that neat picture of her in the bushes.
when john, jenn, davey (d-lo) and i went to katz's, and davey did a somersalt into the bed of john's truck. you bet your britches i was impressed.
and one time layla, some other people, and myself were going to emos. i was very upset about something, so i sat on the curb and smoked whilst waiting for the bus. a guy who was also waiting asked to use my lighter and then sat next to me. he noticed it had a child-proof thing on it, and bit it off for me. he offered me a cigarette when mine had finished, but i said no thanks. he asked me if i was okay, but i couldn't really muster the energy to say very much. but he stayed sitting next to me, saying he hoped i felt better and smiling. when we got on the bus, he went to the back and the rest of us were at the front. every time i looked back at him, he was staring at me. i wanted to go sit next to him and talk to him, but i just felt so bad. even though he had tried talking to me, i felt he just would have seen me as a bother. he got off before us, and as he stepped off he watched me and smiled.
earlier i was reading bits of the perks of being a wallflower and got all teary-eyed. for some reason i've been particularly geeky about english, and i don't know, just the fact that i can read arbitrary lines put together and printed on a piece of paper and feel so much that i cry, that feels amazing. i just want to run up to every author of books that have made me cry or laugh and give them a big hug and kiss and tell them thank you. thank you for making my life so fabulous. thank you for making me feel that much less crazy and that maybe if they can get through the day, then so can i. if they can laugh, then so can i.
i'm speechless when it comes to the feeling i get upon finishing a good book. it feels like all the weight on my shoulders has been lifted just for that moment. everything has resolved somewhat (at least i know what happened). i just wish that i could write something that did that to someone. oh it'd be marvelous to do that. it almost inspires me to write, but i'd never have the courage to let someone read what i wrote. :sigh:
"kiss your head, don't say a thing. we'll live forever in books, darling."
<3, chels.
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