posted on May 26, 2002 @ 2:16 am
old snl rerun
today was not ok. i was supposed to take sarah to the park, and doug said that we had to go to the one she wanted for as long as she wanted, otherwise i couldn't go to jonathan's house. it just pissed me off because he said that she should get what she wants since i've been getting what i want, going over to his house. for some reason he didn't exactly see that she can go to the park any day she damn well pleases. i just wanted to go to the park by us for like an hour. i said to mom, "i don't see you taking her to the park," just to piss her off. which it did. and we just started talking about lots of stuff. which, as usual, boils down to how i detest my miserable life, and how it was so hard last night not to just slit my throat open. and blah blah so i started sobbing, to the point to where i couldn't breathe or talk. then my grandparents arrived, so i had to suck it up and make it go away in literally 10 seconds. and bottling something so volatile has made me feel not well.
i turned in my applications, one at hallmark as well. monday mom's taking me to hastings, ellis pottery and sitel. derek, jonathan and i went to the mall, and i saw kassidy, leah's little brother. i swear, he keeps aging so much. it's so bizarre having seen him grow up. right now i'm in the east texas chat room on aol spying on leah. she's not saying anything at the moment though. i really hope she doesn't call me. =/ jonathan and i didn't talk about anything because derek was there. i'm very glad; i don't think i could handle another traumatizing moment today.
"i'm going to paint a picture, a picture with a twist. i'll draw it with a razorblade and brush it on my wrist. and as i paint this picture, a fountain will appear, and in this flowing fountain my problems disappear."
<3, pyxie.
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