posted on May 09, 2002 @ 1:23am
"crawling in the dark," hoobastank
"so impossible," dashboard
i can feel that i haven't had my medicine in a while. earlier i was listening to dashboard and almost started crying, particularly during "so impossible." it's so beautiful. the other day when i read the card i mailed to mom, i got tears in my eyes in eckerd because it was so nice. even when i talk to jonathan i don't feel much better. granted, it doesn't help that he was telling me he wasn't going to be in indiana for the entire month of july. =/
do you like dreaming of things so impossible?
oh yeah, and in a year, for the rest of his life. :lays her head on her desk:
i upset jennifer tonight because that's what i do best. i told her i would go with her to bryan's at 9:15 p.m., but i had been talking to jonathan, and...i don't know. i started getting really sad and didn't get off the phone with him til 10:00. i called to see if she was still at home, and carmen got upset with me.
"she got really upset and just left. she waited forever. why didn't you call or something?"
"i don't know, jonathan called."
"why didn't you say to him, 'i need to call jenn real quick. i'll call you right back.'"
"i..don't know."
so i sat at my computer and talked to jonathan and would have cried (like now) if layla hadn't been here. i went to subway and got a foot long and chips and a drink, and now i feel all pukey because i actually ate it all. x_X
now i'm just speechlessly sad. i don't know what to do. i don't want to take my medicine, but i don't want to sit and be unproductive and cry all night. i haven't even started writing my paper or studying for bio. and i still have to decorate jon's box and finish what's going to make me win.
AskEnder19: hey chels?
Reine des Pixies: ma'am?
AskEnder19: i love you
Reine des Pixies: i love you too
Reine des Pixies: what prompted that?
AskEnder19: i dont' know
Reine des Pixies: i tend to have that effect upon people
AskEnder19: hehe
AskEnder19: of course you do
Reine des Pixies: hm
Reine des Pixies: i was being sarcastic
AskEnder19: oh
AskEnder19: well you do on me
"i see it around me, i see it in everything. i could be so much more than this. i said my goodbye's. this is my sundown. i'm gonna be so much more than this. with one hand high you'll show them your progress. you'll take your time, but no one cares. no one cares. i need you to show me the way from crazy. i wanna be so much more than this."
<3, chels.
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