posted on Friday, Apr. 27, 2007 @ 14:18
"off you," breeders
"this magic moment," lou reed
"thru the eyes of ruby," smashing pumpkins
"suger," imperial teen"
Over the past couple years I wondered what might have happened to you. I know you were always on the verge of... something... probably not good.
i saw frank crossing the street today and emailed him to say hi. i apologized for being psychotic when he knew me, and the above quote was part of his response. i would have been horrified if he'd forgotten me. (:
i'm getting to a point where i hate to think about the past, the bad parts at least, the way i used to be. i was horrible. as i told him, i don't necessarily regret it because our past mistakes make up the person we are today. it's just unfortunate and terribly frustrating i cannot undo the hurt i caused many people. frank and i stopped talking over some stupid argument i started. i don't even remember that's how stupid it was. he told me to call him, but i was too proud to. now, four years later i'm sitting in my office and he's working on his phd in chemical engineering across the street. every day. i just happened to see him today. he'll have it soon, though, and i'm proud of him.
oh well, nothing to do about it now. that's just the way things happened, and i'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason. so hooray for me being fucked up for half of my life. hooray for my ability to alienate myself like a real professional. hooray for the scars up and down my arms.
suddenly accepting the past doesn't sound that great.
i tried to become friends with leah again, only to be drug into this mess. now that i've spoken with frank, the same thing is happening. i'm thinking and reading old journal entries and trying not to cry. i truly think the best thing for me is to forget everyone and move on. maybe that's the only thing that works for some people.
kyle just called and sang "desert rose" for me in his retarded voice. i'm going to that garage with him and chris. fuck this depression.