posted on Monday, Mar. 28, 2005 @ 17:26
when i got home today i felt something terrible. i didn't see raz, but figured she was just on her way over. when i opened the door to put out food, beatrice stood alone looking up at me.
i went inside the office to get a package of owen's and heard jennifer talking to a maintenance guy about a dead cat. and i knew. i followed him to the site, and there, in a very comfortable place beneath a bush and amid monkey grass, my beautiful calico crusader lay. the smell was awful, and there were creatures all over her. i was in complete shock and kept looking at her. i couldn't see her face, but i know it's her. her belly and her short tail. her little black ear. all i could do was stare; i didn't even notice the smell. finally, as the maintenance guy left to get gloves from the office, i walked away before jennifer could say something to me.
i walked down penny lane in the cool shade and held back a sob as best i could. my green hoodie sleeve was soaked by the time i reached my building.
i saw her just last night. she ate ravenously, and when i pet her she withdrew slightly. i told her, "have a good night. i'll see you tomorrow." at least i was able to bring her inside that one time. i kept telling her, "maybe i can bring you in again tomorrow," but it's too late now.
i was planning on sitting outside with her today like before. i'd do the crossword, and she'd fall asleep in my lap. i'd tease her about how she needed a bath, and she'd lick my hand as i pet her. :sobs: my poor razzmatazz...
once owen got home, i stopped watching requiem for a dream to cry more. after about an hour we finally decided to go ahead on to the macaroni grill as planned. as we stood otuside, i pointed out that beatrice ended up eating her food after all, then owen started crying. and i started crying. but we sucked it up and got into the car. from there, just as i was about to start it, i looked down the sidewalk and saw raz sitting there looking at us.
i went up to her and squeezed her and kissed her. when i went inside to get her food, i started crying again. apparently there were two kitties who looked exactly the same, and my kitty happened to still be alive. now i've got to take her to the vet to get checked out, possibly spayed, and there's no way i'll ever be able to move without taking her with me.
