posted on October 19, 2004 @ 8:43 am
it's hard always [and by always i mean with the two people i've actually had relationships with] being the boy in the relationship. sometimes i can really admire others because they can't really help it. i technically have a choice, i suppose.
i guess that's what i get for liking girly emotional people, though. with jonathan it was always, "what are you doing? you should be getting home." i'm trying to get to your dick, you asshole. you know, you'd really enjoy yourself if you let it out.
now it's the proverbial, "i'm just really tired." i feel like i'm in a bad sitcom. i didn't realize people really said this and meant it. the concept of being too tired for orgasms is really out of my reach.
it's tough, though. you really feel like an asshole sitting at the dining table at midnite, coloring (something ultimately for them, no less), with someone watching over you apologizing for upsetting you. by 1:30 a.m. playing x-box to expend frustration and forget your ill fate really has no point anymore when you have to leave for work in 5.5 hours.
it's nice knowing the jamaican/african/whatever guy at my new gas station remembers me, though. (mr. kim never has his station open in the mornings now.) as i was still several feet from the counter, he called out, "what's happening!"
"not much."
"oh, you look tired."
"i didn't really sleep last night."
"didn't sleep? what were you doing?"
"nothing, just sometimes i can't sleep. i kept waking up."
"that happens to everyone at some point...:nodding at my shirt: where do you work?"
"the parking garages on campus."
"ah, you must get lots of tips there."
"all they do is complain about how expensive it is. they hate me too much even if i'm nice."
":laughs:"
"see you later."
"see you tomorrow."
i hope i see RPG boy or someone today. i'm so tired and crappy-feeling. sadly, taking down the paystion, as i'll do after lunch, is something i'm looking forward to. and resuming my time with klaus (or tooth, as microsoft named him).