posted on August 11, 2004 @ 4:48 am
after some time spent in the dark this morning around 2:00, i realized i still needed to buy a vibrator. this seems sort of backward i realize, but half an hour and three orgasms later i decided to go to the megaplex.
this was more laborious than it seems, however. not only is the megaplex around 15 miles away now, yours truly still feels a bit embarrassed to be in "the nasty kitty," or any porn shop for that matter, and i'd never gone alone. she who finds sex to be a suitable formal dinner conversation topic and watches porn with her friends still feels awkward being seen by strangers in such an environment.
i think that's the catch: strangers. people who don't know me, and who i assume look at me and retch at the idea of me in any sexual situation. (except for when i went to the shop in longview, but i feel above everyone there in any environment.) at least my acquaintances can see i'm somewhat interesting and can be rather funny at times thankyouverymuch, so they see i've got the personality to compensate for my physical grotesqueness.
in reality, if anyone does even notice my existence, they have the same reaction as if they'd seen me in wal-mart: none whatsoever.
it all stems from the same reason i hate for people to see me eat: i think i'm gross. i assume people think things like, "why is she eating? she needs to be on a treadmill," or, "no wonder she's buying this vibrator; nobody would fuck her." yay for chelsea's psychosis.
well, that's enough self-degredation. the one i got, on the package it has some dumb fake chinese word they boast to be "ancient chinese for the female orgasm." when i read this i cracked up. the most common responses from me in porn shops are horror (please, stay away from the foreign section) and laughter. not only are the names of films [dawson's crack] hilarious, the toys and act of sex are just funny. the dildos and pussies and plugs and fisted forearms�man, i love terrorizing people with those. if those arms weren't so damned expensive i'd buy one just to have. they disgust/amuse me so much. and the actual act looks pretty silly. i've never had a good time, but i'm sure that's mostly because i've never really liked the person. once i started talking about a book i'd just read.
all digressions aside, the one i bought is curvy and has a little bud to touch your clit. accounting for the curve the penetrating part is only four inches long and not too wide; it's a little bigger than two fingers. to lots of chicks i guess this doesn't sound so thrilling, but the idea of one of those massive one-pound-roll-of-ground-beef dildos inside me is rather terrifying. after a while i seem to kinda start closing up, and even if you do manage to get something big in there it'll hurt. which will just get me all turned off and dried up, which will hurt a helluva lot.
i could keep going i suppose. like saying normally when i masturbate i could come numerous times right next to you and you wouldn't know, but with this i may give myself away. but for cole's sake, should he be reading this, this is enough poonan talk for now.