posted on October 25, 2003 @ 5:20 pm
"there is a light that never goes out," smiths
"love vigilantes," new order
"inside," moby
have some more random pictures. these are ones mom sent me. sarah's so pretty in the last one. (:
this is how i felt last night. i sat alone watching little shop of horrors, bucket of blood, and the screaming skulls while jennifer hung out with sean and sylvia. as soon as i got home last night, something clicked inside and i felt terrible. i was even short with jennifer. i should have gone with her to sylvia's, but i didn't feel like getting drunk. and that's all they ever do, sit around drunk. i'm not one to say that's a bad thing because lord knows i've spent many a day sitting around drunk (including one three-day binge; i wasn't at my peak then), but lately i haven't even wanted to consider it. aren't people supposed to want to get drunk when they're depressed? when i'm drunk all my emotions are intensified � i'm not specifically an angry drunk, sad drunk, tactile drunk. i'm whatever my surroundings provoke me to be. i wouldn't have gotten more upset being around them, so i'm really at a loss. i suppose i really do just want to wallow in my misery. :sigh:
i took jennifer's brown pen from her backpack and sat down with a notebook, writing letters during my first two movies. i wrote one to derek, and i'm not completely sure i should have. i just had to tell him why i stopped talking to him and that he was one of my favorite people ever. the other was just rambling about why i thought i felt bad that ended up directed toward owen. i tried to end it on a positive note, however. i called cat, but he didn't answer. jennifer got home around 3:30 a.m., though, so i was only alone for about four hours.
anyway, i was 15 minutes late to work today. my temperment has carried over to today. i was hoping a supervisor wouldn't be here when i arrived (which is usually the case), but of course jeremy was here. he gave me the worst ratings on my evaluation even though the only time he's been around me was after the garage had even closed. he gave me a two (out of five) on dependability, which is a load of sh*t. i hate that the one day i'm late, he's the one working. ohh i hate it.
this moby song is really pretty. i wish i had a computer to download songs onto; i need my calm cd so badly nowadays.
"i have to get home; my wife's making gardenias for dinner."
<3, pyx.
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