posted on April 07, 2003 @ 3:26 pm
"solitary," vnv nation
on my way home i was listening to the impossibles, and that part i really like when the music cuts out and he yells, "a part of me will always be a part of you" played.
i started thinking about that and felt suddenly very terrible. it's not the most appealing thing to write about i suppose, but get over. this is my journal.
i don't like the fact that there has been semen in my body from boys i can't even stand the thought of anymore. despite my super uterus and poisonous vaginal canals, i'm sure there was some sperm that got past it all, and even if not that the rest of the...stuff. and knowing that i've swallowed it. i hate it. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i wish i could take out my mouth and replace it with another. i don't like licking my lips or touching them or just sitting and having all these remnant cummy germs festering inside of me. i want a new penis-free mouth. i hate everything my body makes me think of.
fuck, i can't even remember that quote, about telling yourself to forget things, but your body still remembers. "your body still remembers things you told it to forget." something like that. argh i can't get the song in my head. it's so well-listened to i can't remember it.
so yeah, i'm upset. i wish i could erase the memory of every boy i've ever biblically "known" in my life. UGH. maybe this is why people abstain from sexual activity, so they won't want to burn their mouths and guts away.
"the frustration of knowing what it's like to breathe you in. remember then, remeber when."
anti-<3, chels.
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