posted on March 04, 2003 @ 11:53 pm
"this protector," the white stripes
"uninvited," alanis morisette
"fear of dying," jack off jill
i started watching 24 last week with only three hours left (since i no longer work tuesdays and it was after american idol hehe).it was really good cause it's when they found the bomb. i can imagine previous episodes were sort of boring. i watched tonight, and it made me cry. kiefer was going to die, and he called his daughter (whose mother had just died a year ago), and it was just so sad. but it's ok cause kiefer didn't die. it was very interesting, though, because usually when i cry it hurts. like, terrible burning and i have to make myself stop immediately, otherwise i can't keep my eyes open. it's been doing this since the end of summer. however, when i cried tonight it didn't burn. i'm wondering if it has something to do with reality. or maybe it was just completely random and has no hidden meaning. ^_^
a while ago i cried, though, but didn't stop. after a while the pain sort of went away. maybe i'm returning to normalcy? i hope so. i'm certainly moreso of a mess without crying. well, i don't know. it generally leads to panic attacks, so maybe it's my own defense systems kicking in. hrm. i did get that antsy feeling in my arms when i was crying, but i told it to fuck off. mrow! :claws the air: closer-to-normal chelsea is the root of this body, not fucking-psycho-bitch chelsea! well, you know, for now. i think it's mostly because owen was around. any form of distraction helps, as i'm sure you can imagine.
a crazy bitch i am.
over the summer, when i got upset, i talked like yoda. yep. moving on...
i made a 91 on my history of the english language test. wee! god i hope i don't get kicked out of school.
i made an appointment for the lump on my jaw. tomorrow at 10 a.m. i shall see dr. latimore in General Medicine C. you know, if i get kicked out, i don't get free doctor visits. :(
i saw shannon today. we talked for about 25 minutes, and it was very nice. i haven't seen her in three years, as she said.
my family may come visit me this week or the next. i really hope they do; i miss them so much. ;( i wish they'd move here. i didn't want to get away from them per se upon moving here, just everyone else in longview. i'm very hopeful this will happen, so i'm going to call mom tomorrow and beg her. i miss them, or, as the french would say, they are missing to me.
i'm supposed to meet layla at ihop for homework and never-ending pancakes, so i should close. i love how such happenstances occur when i don't need to be alone.
"but you, you're not allowed. you're uninvited, an unfortunate slight."
<3, pyx.
i'm not afraid of standing still, i'm just afraid of being bored. i'm not afraid of speaking my mind, i'm just afraid of being ignored. i'm not afraid of feeling, and i'm not afraid of trying. i'm just afraid of losing, and i am afraid of dying. without you yes i do, and i hope that you do too. i'm not afraid of being sick, i'm more afraid of being well. i'm not afraid, put the gun in my hand. i'm just afraid it will hurt like hell. i'm not afraid of screaming, and i'm not afraid of crying. i'm just afraid of forgetting, and i am afraid of dying. without you yes i do, and i hope that you do too. i'm not afraid of looking ugly. i couldn't care what they say. i'm not afraid of happy endings, i'm just afraid my life won't work that way. i'm not afraid of forgivness. i'll absolve you everything. i'm not afraid of lying, but i am afraid of dying. without you yes i do, and i hope that you do too.
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