posted on January 02, 2003 @ 10:50 am
random songs i've downloaded
i just got back from the bank and my annual probing (gyno), two of the funnest places in the world, no?
when i went in the room, a guy was asking me all the basic crap. he took my temperature and said, "perfect! that's rare." hehe, perfect like my ovaries (a few years ago when i had a sonogram, the nurse said they were "perfect")! anyway, he said he needed to take my blood pressure, so i took off the sleeve of my hoodie covering the arm with only faint, years-old scars. he said he needed the other arm. ;( i took my hoodie completely off, and he took my blood pressure without saying anything thankfully. i wasn't so lucky when the gyno came in.
i hadn't even thought about this, the fact that i'm going to be naked and there's nothing to cover up my cuts. i could have hidden them, but i had to raise my arms so she could poke my boobs, you know, checking for cancer and such. at first she asked about the one from three years ago, then saw the recent ones. we started talking, did so for a long time, about why i had done it, me taking medicine, etc. she smiled and said, "that's a good question: do you like being suicidal?" i told her that i do, how i'm comfortable in my rut because that's what i know. even when i'm in my happy mode i'm still withdrawn for the most part. she asked if i just didn't have the social skills, and i laughed and said no. she told me that she wants to see me next week (the 8th, at 2:45) to make sure that i had gotten my medicine and started taking it. she told me about group therapy on the 5th floor and crap like that and said i had to do that, too. i went by there after i left, but i have to wait until the 13th when the counselors come back. :shrug: i do what i'm told. while she was actually probing, we were talking, so i barely even felt it. is it normal for someone to talk about what they got for xmas while there's a huge metal contraption spreading them open for god(dess) and everyone to see? seeing that scene outside of my body makes me laugh. heh, when she started she was like, "ok, let's check and see if you're a normal woman. yep, ok, you look fine." i was thinking, gee i hope so.
after that i went to the bank. they've put all but $20 back into my account and closed my card. i got a new one that will arrive in five-seven days, and i got an atm card until then. the girl working asked where i got my jade elephant necklace and said her mother loved elephants. she told me it was very pretty. (:
my stomach is making awful rumbling noises, so i'ma go scrounge something up. i hope i can resist getting dirty rice from popeye's. man, just typing it made me want some. damn it.
"i want you to notice when i'm not around. you're so fucking special. i wish i was special."
<3, chelsea.
cluthu: Thank you, Chelsea, but our princess is in another castle! :giggle:
Reine des Pixies: hehe
cluthu: What am I saying though? Our princess is right here. :hug:
cluthu: ^_^
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