posted on December 18, 2002 @ 6:11 pm
hearing "analog boy" by rx bandits and "open your eyes" by goldfinger back to back has really made me super anti-commercailism. instead of bombing abortion clinics, we should bomb the gap and urban outfitters and old navy and...stuff. i knew i shouldn't have bought those pants and shirt from old navy. i feel so guilty and violated and used now. but they were brown cords, and you know i can't resist that maroon/pink combination. :sigh: jennifer told me that john robertson voted all democratic. that utterly blows my mind; he's so white bread. i think i dislike him a little less now. she: "you know i ain't gon' do it wit no republican." haha.
last night i went to layla's and drank some of her coconut rum. that's how desperate i was for alcohol. i didn't realize that it was clear or as strong as it is, since i'd only had it in coke that one time. the video for "come to daddy" is so bad ass. anyway, i got considerably tipsy while we watched a couple friends episodes. i told her how cat said something about everyone talking to me and how i must seem approachable. she had a confused look on her face, scoffed and said, "you're not approachable!"
":half frown: well, i mean�"
"you scare people when they see you."
":sadness: oh."
around 1:00 a.m. she got into bed, and i left to get jennifer. i had to sit in the parking lot for half an hour, and didn't realize until i started sobering up more that i was blasting hole just way too loud. at least no one was around.
man, robert smith is just so adorable in the video for "inbetween days." i'm just totally weakened. haha, great, "all mixed up" by 311. i still remember all the words. i love this song; it's like happy rap. (: i love the way nick hexum dances in this video. he flows well.
what a digression. so on our way home, i stopped to get gas. i wasn't paying attention to the price, so i had to pay $1.34/gallon. when we were inside, i was telling jennifer about the bitch at the metro who sold me cigarettes. the guy behind me asked if he could have one cause he only had $3.00 but had to get gas to go to san marcos. i told him sure, i'd even give him two. he followed me to my car after paying for gas and told me about his money plight. he asked if i was okay, and i told him i was just tired and had had a bad day. i gave him cigarettes, and he asked, "are you upset?"
"no, why would i be upset?"
"i don't know, you just look like something's wrong, and you said you didn't have a good day."
"oh, it was just one of those days. i just need to sleep."
"are you going to be okay?"
"sure, i'll be fine."
"ok, well i really hope you feel better, and thank you so much for these."
"be careful driving."
he just seemed so sincerely concerned i couldn't help but feel touched. jennifer was like, "so, uh, was it yesterday that cat called you a flirt?" and started griping about how i'm just her mom, can't go anywhere without someone talking to me. i really don't understand why lately i've been talking to so many people. jenn said i need to learn spanish so i can "mack with the people at the heb." earlier i had this conversation with a lady in her 50s or 60s, about the holidays and my family and school and stuff. and there was this guy earlier whistling a christmas song, and i gave him a smile and look like, you know you don't need to be doing that. he laughed and said, "god, it sounds like andy griffith doesn't it?" it was kind of funny.
god, i can't imagine how badly i would injure someone if i ever caught them cheating on me. it's one thing just to know they did it, but to actually walk in on them doing it? they just better hope i'm not near a sharp object. god i so would rip them apart. i don't even know if i'm exaggerating. oh, sorry, i'm watching the video for "mudshovel."
i think i'm entering a manic phase seriously. i've been waking up after only a few hours of sleep and not wanting to go back to sleep no matter how tired i am; i've got energy even though i'm exhausted. i've been so restless and upbeat like 90% the time; even when i'm down i'm not completely so. i eat hardly anything and don't really want food. today i bought purple hair dye, glitter for my hair and glitter for my eyes, and pink nail polish from sally's. jennifer said i should go heavy on the glitter for time spent not wearing it around jonathan. he imed me today and said, "just wanted to say hi but i can't stay so bye." he didn't sign off, i guess expecting me to respond, so i signed off without saying anything. haha. he said my glitter was ugly. :( so when i got home i put black eyeliner on and glitter in my hair and eyelids, and tonight i'm dyeing my hair purple. this is so interesting; i'm regressing to my physical self in high school. god, and my whole body's sore. like my ass and my neck and my back. my muscles are dying. ;(
"i'm trying hard to think, and i think i want you on the floor."
<3, chels.
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