posted on December 06, 2002 @ 7:27 a.m.
the descendants, silence with sounds of the metro
the guy at the metro is playing the descendants. i love that song "coffee mug," even if it is so short. "everything sucks today" is nice. this whole cd is. i just realized as i dated this that today is my father's birthday. he's 40 i do believe. he's always had lots of grey hair, ever since i can remember. that being when i was four and we lived on pine cove street, across from pine cove circle, in shreveport, louisiana. just a few blocks from the 7-eleven doug's mom works at, down the street from said young man, soon to be mommy's new, much better husband. one who didn't yell at her, let her know she wasn't good enough, she didn't try hard enough, didn't raise me correctly. mom could never do much. new years was spent just the two of us as dad lied about having work. post office business at midnite on new years? i don't buy it either. mom sure didn't.
as you may know, my first memory is of them fighting. sitting on the end of my bed (in which i still sleep), i could see into their bedroom. i'd lock myself in the bathroom and stare at the wall until the pattern became three-dimensional. there was a painting above the toilet of a boy and a dog, in a midieval style. i'll get back to you on the specific style if you'd like to know.
all this is in my half-bio from several months ago, so enough of that. enough of mitchell jay oakes. i want to discuss douglas scott brown.
he's always been there. he's a stubborn hard-ass, but he's got a fabulous sense of humour. sound familiar? that's why we never got along before i matured a little. he just got promoted (finally), and he's the store director of toys r us back home. store #7---. i forgot. he always has to be at work by three a.m. on "black/green friday." he works up to 16 hours a day, and that was true when he wasn't even "the big cheese." when i get crushes on people, several of them remind me of him. a girl marries her father afterall. since i've left and grown up, we're closer. i get hugs from him now. i didn't before because i didn't want to go near him. i have severe authority issues.
the guy working just lit my cigarette for me. he informs me there are matches downstairs. i enjoy nice people.
doug's a great dad. he's stern, but mom's not so it balances. she told sarah, "that's the last time i'm cleaning your room. i know i've said that before, but i mean it this time." i don't know how often she's said that. (:
my father started the line of males to fuck me over. i'm not overly upset because that's just a statistic. when i see how happy doug and mom are, though, it puts me at ease. i really want to be like my grandparents if by some strange fluke of coincidence i meet someone willing to tolerate me til they die. or i die. my grandparents always hold hands and give each other little kisses. they're adorable. there seems to be a number of good marriages in my family. maybe i'll be a lucky one. i just don't want to be alone in my old age.
i hope if i have kids they don't end up fucked up like me, mentally that is. that's why owen says he doesn't want to reproduce. personally i think it'd be nice to have little owens running around. now little chelseas, i don't know. (: heh, he said, "a world full of chelseas, i know what that's called. utopia."
for some reason i'm in good spirits about myself. i donned some black eyeliner and my favorite shirt and pants. as i was leaving i had the thought, you look kinda cute today. absolutely be-zarre, to quote mel brooks. my feet are the grossest ever; i need ot get new ones.
i really like cat. he's full of geekness, and he's very funny. he always knows when i'm joking, and that tends to help. i often have to point it out or explain myself to several others. i've talked to him on the phone thrice, each time being around four hours. i've never really sustained telephone conversations that long except with old guy (ha) ben; he did about 70% of the talking, though. cat said if i were to charge for my company, he'd be a repeat customer. he wouldn't make me pay for his, so i'd actually make a profit. that makes me feel a little less unlikable.
i suddenly feel dizzy and hot and nauseated. i don't even know why i smoke and drink coffee at the same time. i just couldn't resist that iced banana mocha cooler any longer.
time for my last middle english class. *single tear* i wonder if he'll let me pass in spite of my absences. hmm.
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