posted on 2002-04-31 @ 12:42 a.m.
*music: "she drives me crazy," fine young cannibals
"scoobie snacks," fun lovin' criminals
"wish," franka potente & thomas d
conan: ":tells sports joke:"
audience: ":laughs and cheers:"
conan: ":in geek voice: i don't get it. tell jokes about literature."
chelsea: ":hangs her head: what's so bad about that..."
i'm going to start putting the music i'm listening to in here. it's very important at times; looking back through my lj journal i can see that. i love the name franka; that's so pretty.
i managed to get registered this morning in literally two minutes. that's amazing. all of my classes i got, at the times i wanted. now if i can only pass my goddamned classes.
jennifer aniston was in my dreams for a second time earlier tonight. the first time was a while back, when in my dream this guy from the parking garages kissed me several times. she was telling me that i had to tell him that i had a boyfriend. then tonight she was an anchorman on a news show. in the first one she looked like rachel from friends, but in this one she looked like shit, the way she did on the cover of rolling stone. then at the end of my dream (as always) it switched to some new scenario. i'll skip the details, but scott wolfe walked toward me to meet me, and the beginning of "she drives me crazy," when the guitars come in without the vocals, started playing. it was so magical. then i woke up and was thoroughly confused because i think he's very not cute. "here to stay" by korn, the new one, was stuck in my head even though i've only heard it once. it made me feel so...uncomfortable.
i'm listening to that song right now, "she drives me crazy." something about it just makes me smile when i hear it. i was feeling strange a moment ago, stressed about carrie (:growls:) and then paranoid about jonathan, but i feel so nice right now. this definitely has to go on my driving cd. what upsets me about carrie is the fact that she has become this "new" person because nacogdoches is some mystical wonderland where she can finally be herself. i know that longview is oppressive for many teenagers, but you should be able to be yourself around your friends. i considered her a very good friend in longview, and knowing that she wasn't "herself" the entire time she was there really hurts. jonathan said that's what pissed derek off, that she was lying of a sorts, about who she was. bleh. and then in her journal she wrote about how samantha was at sfa last weekend, and that she was glad she went home; she didn't want to run into her. she said sam makes her uncomfortable like emily makes her uncomfortable concerning pascal (her new boyfriend). pascal cheated on carrie with emily, and she was maybe an ex? i really don't know. but sam makes me paranoid, too, because jonathan was so bent on her for so long, and it makes me feel like he just sort of settled for me...or something.
:sigh: whatever. i can't think about this right now. i've got to figure out what to write about for my poetry final paper. i have no idea, but i have to know by 1:30 this afternoon. :grumbles: i hate that he won't just tell me what to write. i'm not creative like that. :lays her head down: i just want to go home. i want to laze around the house all morning, go to work, get off work and laze around jonathan's. feel the bum rush. i need creature comfort. i'm such a lost little puppy without my family, and now jonathan. yet another person upon whom to be dependent. i need to gain some independence. or have them all move down here. :pouts:
i wish i was a stranger who wanders down the sky
i wish i was a starship in silence flying by
i wish i was a princess with armies at her hand
i wish i was a ruler who'd make them understand
ok, well, i'm starting to feel bad again, so i'm going to stop writing. i imagine this is getting rather long anyway. oh, this morning in poetry, i sat next to art, and as i was sitting down he said hi to me. that's twice i've been acknowledged by him. i feel so fucking special. does that sound sarcastic? because i sincerely mean it. i love that people acknowledge my presence. i found a message when i woke up that michael had called. :) oh, and while bryan and i were sitting outside after class (like always), james came up and talked to us for a while. bryan was imitating a california surfer accent, but it sounded british to me. i asked, "are the people in california british?" and james just cracked up. i love making people laugh. it happens so rarely (or does it?). it's just sort of proof that they're listening; plus, it's nice to make them happy for a moment. marc came at 1:00 to pick up arty, so i got to see him for a bit. he sat on me twice, though (i was lying down), and it hurt. i couldn't breathe. i kept hitting him with my vivi jonathan gave me (how metaphorical), and he beat me with my star pillow. it was fun. i love playing with people. i'm going to start harassing more of the people i know in hopes of inciting something fun. haha! ludacris is on nbc. luda! aah! "basket case" is on mtv! :dances around: i feel wonderful now. aaahh! now it's "the middle"! damn! i get to see them both! :skips off:
we went beyond all frontiers. when we met it felt like an explosion, and i swear i can still feel its vibrations. i know you're running, and yet you won't be close and really here until you're right here in my arms. i will fall to the ground if you don't fly with me. oh baby please please run run and don't give up. i missed you so much. demons will eat me up if you're not here with me. i'll do as you say, don't be afraid. i won't leave you cause the world's all ours. we can be everything we want to but right now you're on your own. i wish i was a writer who sees what's yet unseen. i wish i was a prayer expressing what i mean. i wish i was a forest of trees that do not hide. komm zu mir. i wish i was a clearing, no secrets left inside. ...zuruck. i am here because of you. we are lucky to still have time left til eternity. a piece of your existence is present withing me, and i hold it close. but it kills me to remember it all cause it won't leave me alone.
except the verses are all in german. i thought that'd take away, though. ;)
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